How My Journey Began
I had envisioned having the happy family I never had.
I worked hard to be the ‘perfect’ mother.
A Mirror of Inherited Pain
His eyes swell with angry tears, and his face flushes red with frustration. He finally lets go of the iPad and punches me as hard as he can. Reeling from the sting, I feel the urge to hit him back. Seething, I spit, "You're just like my mother!" My eight-year-old son, feeling the scorn, winds up to hit me again. I grab his wrist and push him away, fleeing to the bathroom.
Slamming the door, I slump to the floor, sobbing. My hot anger morphs into shame, overwhelming me with guilt and self-rejection. What kind of mother am I?
Time stands still as I hide in the locked bathroom, just as I did in my childhood, running from my abusive mother. A knock rouses me. "Mom? I'm sorry. Please come out."
When I open the door, I see my shame and guilt reflected in him.
I’ve studied Conscious Parenting for years, but the podcasts, webinars and books fail me. Therapy, yoga, meditation — none of this self-care seems enough. What am I doing wrong?
Video made by Tyler Ward
An excerpt from my chapter in…
“Arleen, your chapter is a succinct yet dramatic illustration that the way to our children is through ourselves. Thanks for sharing it. All best wishes, Gabor”
An excerpt from the foreword by
Dr. Shefali…
“This wonderful book offers readers powerful tools for making the shift from reaction to response. This is no small feat. We all know what it feels like to lose our temper, to be overwhelmed by the chaos of daily life, to feel helpless in the face of a tantrum or power struggle. But in these very moments, we are given the opportunity to choose presence over reactivity. These pages guide us with wisdom and grace toward regulation, mindfulness, and emotional attunement—skills that not only change how we parent, but who we become as human beings.”
Find out what Conscious Parenting tools I learned and how I changed my family dynamic.
My 'mini-memoir' is a chapter in The Perfectly Imperfect Family, a collaboration awarded #1 International Best Seller!
Compiled by Happily Family founders Cecilia & Jason Hilkey, this book brings together parenting experts, coaches, and educators, with each concise chapter offering actionable strategies. It’s an honor to have the foreword written by renowned parenting expert Dr. Shefali, with whom I’ve trained at her Conscious Coaching Institute. Hailed by Oprah as 'revolutionary,' Dr. Shefali’s transformative approach to raising both our children and ourselves empowers us to connect with depth and purpose.
The Perfectly Imperfect Family provides practical wisdom on navigating today's toughest family challenges, including supporting neurodivergent children, fostering meaningful connections, and prioritizing parental well-being. With personal stories and evidence-based advice, this anthology helps parents embrace imperfection and equip their families to thrive in an increasingly complex world.
Get a free copy!
What Experts Are Saying About the Book…
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“A potpourri of parenting pearls, this concise and compelling collection of conscious parenting tips is a treasure trove of wisdom for every parent! Each contributor offers their personal and professional insights into the heart of parenting well.”
Dr. Dan Siegel
New York Times bestselling author and co-author, Parenting from the Inside Out; Whole Brain Child; and Brainstorm
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“Imagine sitting in a room with dozens of parenting experts, who all distill what they’ve learned into short, easy to digest nuggets of advice. This book offers busy parents a world of wisdom on a wide range of important topics, in a format they can actually use. I highly recommend it!”
Kristin Neff, PhD
New York Times bestselling author of Self-Compassion and Fierce Self-Compassion
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“The Perfectly Imperfect Family is a treasure trove of real stories, practical wisdom, and heartfelt guidance for modern parents. These voices remind us that parenting well isn’t about perfection — it’s about presence, connection, and evolving alongside our growing Ones. This book is a steady, loving companion for anyone navigating the messy, meaningful work of family life."
Carrie Contey, PhD
Psychologist, Parenting Coach, Author
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“In a time when parenting can feel like constant pressure and performance, this book brings us back to what matters most—connection over perfection. Through honest stories and insights from a wide range of professionals, it offers practical tools to support your mindset and your relationship with your kids. In true Happily Family style—led by our friends Cecilia and Jason—it leans into a “perfectly imperfect” approach, grounded in support, authenticity, and connection that everyone in the family can feel.”
Cathy and Todd Adams
Hosts of Zen Parenting Radio
Identifying Intergenerational Patterns
Moving to Bali for two years, I was able to meet my mother’s siblings and many of my cousins. I listened to painful stories of their upbringing linked to their ancestral history shaped by colonialism, colonization and racism. Finally understanding my parents’ stories, I was able to find compassion and empathy to heal my childhood wounds of physical abuse and emotional neglect long after their deaths.
Dr. Shefali asked me to burn my shirt in Bali before I moved back to Vancouver. The ancestral pain I had uncovered weighed heavily on my heart, and the sadness was written on my face.
A week before we left Bali, I held this symbolic ceremony with my son, husband, and cousins; a way to release the past and choose to live in the present.
Everyone has a unique story worth telling.
Empathy and compassion grows from understanding our shared human experiences of not being seen, heard or valued.
To reciprocate the understanding and acceptance I sought from others, I have to understand and accept myself.
Owning my voice has been a healing journey as I now write my memoir:
Chasing Rainbows in the Dark:
The Illusion of Perfect Parenting from My Imperfect Childhood
“Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames.
That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.”
— Terry Real, Author ‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’